This post will have no photos because I felt like writing. 15 year old me would laugh if he could see me now. I hated writing so much and would avoid at all costs when I was younger. Now, mostly because of Substack, I can’t get enough. I feel great when I type away and get things down that would otherwise bounce around in my head.
At work today I was thinking about how I seek validation in my creative pursuits. Very confident this is common amongst others, if not everyone. Some nights, I leave a show with my camera bag digging into my shoulder and this weird ache in my chest. For two reasons, I’m full of adrenaline, but the other not so nice feeling is the hope that I captured something worth sharing. I wish I didn’t feel that way. Though without that feeling, one might not feel the same satisfaction. Or worse, lack drive and determination.
I’ve shot bands playing to 12 people and now bands playing to a thousand. And it was a lot of hard work and desire that got me those opportunities. I wanted to do this as much as possible and emailed, messaged and lightly harassed anyone I could to make that happen. So I'm back in that mindset. With a toot of my own horn, I did notice my photos getting better. Then the validation of others took over. That feedback of others should never outweigh my passion and love for creating. I feel a part of my whole self now complete, I’m going HAM making things and should have years ago. So will make up for it now.
I’m sitting here watching the footy, thinking “I can’t upload this in the morning”.
That would be 3 things this week.
Who gives a fuck, maybe you good people would like another read with your coffee. Why would I even care about that in the first place.
Whenever I have had hobbies, I never took them lightly. I wanted to do it the best I could and take it as far as possible. Photography has always been a hobby, and now with this concert photography stuff going well, I will push the limit. I don’t mean til the point I can’t go on. What I’m trying to articulate is that I want to take it as far as I can, opportunity wise. Get in bigger publications, more paid work and shoot bigger bands. I want that. I need that. That’s the thinking that has me hear now. So I don’t need permission to want this.
I don’t like saying these things, and I’m already reconsidering what I have just written. It makes me think I sound big-headed. What is it called when you have self-doubt? Which takes me back to the opening and the need for validation. Not healthy when chasing your creative wants and needs. Deep down I want this (create as much as I can) and should understand that it is my desire. That takes me to a good place and extends into making me a better person.
So, I don’t need permission to want this.
It’s only come more naturally for me to ask for things recently. I hated it in the past. “If you don’t ask, you don’t get it” I am so on board with that phrase now. It’s clear to me now that the pursuit of this hobby has changed me for the better. More confidence to chase my aspirations. A very good thing. I crave to do more while also doing it well. Fully understanding the process of getting better through repetition and exposure. I love looking at other people’s concert photos and seeing if I can do it. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right?
My closing thoughts after all of this. I am just going to keep creating things. It’s my favourite thing to do. More photos. More Substack posts. More YouTube vlogs. I don’t want to care how often I share them, when or how. I’m just going to make things and fuel my creative desires. Strive to be better and go further. Evolve, but stay fixated on the love I have for doing it. By all means, take the compliments and the criticism. Keep a focus on the deep desire and love I have to make art. It is the thing that keeps me whole, grounded, and ultimately satisfied in my own personal pursuits.
That makes me happy I said that… That’s what I have been trying to write this whole time.
I was just flowing while writing this. So I apologise if it’s a rambling mess, because I can’t really be bothered proofreading it. Maybe it will have more natural emotion or feel that way. Or maybe it will be dogshit.
Share with your friends, or pass. I don’t care about that anymore, remember.
Get it, dude. Go after it however you like, you have the talent and have given you’re the opportunity so you are doing it all right in my opinion. Oh and what you were talking about? Sounds like imposter syndrome to me and it sucks. But, with time, and as your confidence builds alongside the growth of your work, it does fade.
Go get what you want Marc, you have the passion, desire & drive to do this, I’m very proud of you reading this today. Go get em Tiger xx